Estoy Enferma

Dear Sudafed,

Your package is clearly labeled "maximum strength nasal decongestant," so could you please explain to me why it is that I've been taking your little red pills every 4 hours for 4 days, yet I still can't lie down or breathe through my nose, and now my ears are all stopped up?

Snottily yours,

Sandy (no, the other one)

P.S. -- Non-drowsy formula? Way to go, there. 'Cause the last thing I need when I'm sick is sleep.